Disagreeing – With Awareness

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When the pandemic hit in 2020, we knew it was a significant global challenge. Unsettling and full of unknowns. We quickly realised it would take longer than a few weeks or months to be over – before everything would return to a new version of normal. Edging forward with each stage and change, we realised it would take many months and possibly years.

I’d seen it in the aftermath of the 2011 Brisbane floods. I’ve always said living through that flood event was like going in to have an operation. You feel ‘fine’ beforehand and don’t know how invasive or extensive the surgery may be. So, you have no idea until afterwards what the recovery will be – or even how well you will recover.

In the Midst of Chronic

Without being morbid, this is normal after a crisis. Or a sudden event of any kind. Whether it’s an accident, a health catastrophe, an environmental disaster, or a worldwide pandemic, there is the acute crisis phase – then the chronic phase where we deal with the ongoing impact of the crisis. Until one day, we realise we’ve shifted to the new normal. Life changed from what it was. Forever.

When you’re not in the thick of the crisis, it’s easy to forget there was – or is – one.  Forgetting that others are either still in the thick of things, dealing with the aftermath, or in a long recovery phase. Or feeling a level of survivor guilt because you haven’t been as affected as someone else.

Bottom Line? Change and disruption can be challenging at any time – and we all respond differently. In our own way.

So, as National Safe Work Month/National Mental Health Month draws to a close, I’m pondering why I’ve been feeling unsettled. And why it seems more acceptable at the moment to disagree with someone else’s opinion on some topics, with little regard for the impact. By impact, I’m talking about disagreeing in a way that leaves the other person feeling intimidated, bullied, shamed, ostracised – attacked. Shut down. Often very publicly.

The Insidious Creep

I want to believe it’s primarily due to the insidious creep of underlying uncertainty, fears, fatigue that has been building over the past 18 months or so. And that it will pass.

I learned many moons ago that if I was upset by what someone did or said – if it pushed my buttons or triggered me – I needed to ask myself why.

Also, that being angry at someone is like feeding yourself poison and expecting someone else to die.

In many areas, another person’s view or choice doesn’t affect us. However, if it does affect us, don’t we know that fear, anger, yelling, intimidation don’t work? And that providing all the facts, brokering understanding, and having open discussions will lead to a more positive outcome? I think so.

Immovable Parameters

I often talk about immovable parameters – those processes, rules or guidelines that exist and are to be accepted. Things like obeying traffic signals, following safety processes at work, working to a code of conduct. 

Being immovable doesn’t always mean you shut down any discussion with people who question the parameters. It may mean helping them understand why they exist – leading to acceptance. Reaching acceptance in this way may take longer. However, it creates trust, buy-in, and commitment.

Looking Forward

Well, my pondering is complete. I understand more fully where and why I have felt unsettled in these past 18 months – and more so lately. Hope for the future is restored. My faith in human nature too.

Being the eternal optimist, I believe we’ll move through this phase sooner rather than later. On the other side, it will be easier again to allow people the space to have their own opinion and make their own choices. Once the world has settled, and we’re feeling more comfortable in our skin and our world.

So, with that in mind, I hope we remember one thing as we move into November. The important part we play in looking after the Emotional Health and Mental Health of ourselves and others. Every day.

Until next time…

Anne